Remembrance Celebration - Lampe's Funeral Home

Last week on Tuesday evening (Dec 15th), we hosted here at Woodlawn Christian Church the Annual Remembrance Celebration for the local funeral home, Lampe Funeral Home.  This is a celebration of life but also a time to come together and comfort one another concerning our losses this past year. (Everyone in the community is welcome and some attend that lost loved ones years ago, after all there is no time limit nor expiration date on grief and loss)

It is an ecumenical gathering with Pastors participating from the local Catholic Church as well as from the Union Church (mixed Methodist & Presbyterian), other nearby Methodist Churches and of course our congregation the Disciples of Christ.  This year I was asked to also do the message for the service.  I didn't have the sermon video taped, but it was very well received and I have been given nothing but good feedback concerning it.  One lady told me today that they were still talking about the message at the coffee shop today and how it had helped several individuals in dealing with their grief.  I praise God that he was able to use me to aid anyone in their time of suffering.

The sermon included two bits of scripture:
First Scripture referenced: Matthew 5:4 
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Second Scripture referenced: Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

We will be comforted if we reach out to God for our comfort. Though in the referenced translation it doesn't specify that God is doing the comforting, other translations go farther and say that we will be comforted by God.  This though, being a part of the beatitudes would imply that it is God doing the comforting.  Again some translations want to make this more specific and do so.

Of course a great deal of God's comfort is provided by His people, this is one of the great advantages of having a close and loving Church family.  Also, we lean on our friends and our family.

One of the things that I hit upon in the sermon was that we will never be 'normal' again.  Rather we have to search for a 'new normal'.  We aren't (or shouldn't be) looking to completely forget and get over the loss of our loved one.  Rather we are seeking to rebuild our life around our loss and to continue on with our lives in spite of it all.

I shared with those gathered about how even now over 20 years later, I still grieve for our son that passed away shortly after birth.  How even now the day of his birth and death haunt both Gail and I.  Often I see that day looming ahead of me, sometimes a month or more in advance, and it weighs heavily on me.  We never fully recover from such a loss and as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross implies, why should I want to.  Grief is a product of loving and losing, it's impossible to avoid.  During the sermon I also shared how losing my grandmother ultimately changed everything in my life... how I did not react to the loss well and how destructive my reaction was to me, and to those who loved me.

The worst part of the loss of my grandmother Karlen was the loss of a dream, and I shared with everyone how deeply this kind of loss affects us all.  I advised them to understand that this is a major part of losing a loved one.  In fact I shared with them that just a few days prior I had been to the funeral of a friend who passed away suddenly, a woman of only 58 years of age.  I laid out how not only had her husband lost his wife, his best friend, his lover, his care taker and the mother of his child, but that he had also lost all those dreams that they had of a retirement together.  Just a little more than a hand full of years separated them from this dream and now 'poof' it's gone.  Never, ever underestimate the intense power of grief related to a lost dream.

Ultimately, the loss of the dream of seeing my grandmother hold and admire my own child, another great grandchild for her, caused me to destroy my first marriage.  Grief can make us irrational at times, and do not disregard the anger that grief can instill in our hearts.  All of us need coping mechanisms in times of grief, do not let anger be your means of coping, I can tell you from first hand knowledge that it will not end well.

Just remember that love is why you're suffering this pain, and love, God's love can help you to get through this time of adjustment to your loss.  If you are having difficulty coping with a loss I urge you to see a caring (sadly not all are) minister or to see a reputable therapist.  If any of you are in the Lake City area and are suffering, please feel free to contact me here at Woodlawn Christian Church.

I have blogged about grief and loss before and due to time constraints, I will just post up some links to these previous blog posts.  As always I highly recommend the little book "All Our Losses/All Our Griefs", and I'll provide a link to it as well.

Previous blog posts of interest:
Sad News
Steve Main Funeral
Doris DeVries Funeral
Blog post about loss and which contains all the rest of the links to my posts on grief and loss

The last link will take you to one of my blog posts which contains more links to blog posts of mine about grief and loss.

Here is the link to Amazon where you can purchase the book "All Our Losses/All our Griefs".

All Our Losses / All Our Griefs - link to Amazon

I did also share with the folks gathered at the Remembrance Service, a poem and an e-mail that I sent to my first wife several years ago after learning of her mother's passing.  She was always very close to her mother, particularly close because her father died when she was very, very young.  Knowing this and knowing that Christmas (especially the first Christmas) is a very difficult time for those grieving loved ones, I sent her this poem and this e-mail.

When I saw this the other day for some reason I immediately thought of your Mother, you, Tom, Deb and all of your families.

Though I'm certain your Mother would very much love to be here with all of you, this year she is celebrating Christmas in Heaven.  How beautiful a thing that must be, and after waiting nearly 45 years she once again gets to spend Christmas with your Father.  Praise God!

On Christmas Eve when we come before God in worship and celebration, perhaps we are just a breath away from Heaven ourselves.  Certainly when I attend midnight Mass at St Cecilia's on Christmas Eve I'm convinced that Heaven is truly there.  It's there all around me, but 'just' beyond my human reach...

Have a wonderful Christmas, filled with all the joy that life brings.  Remember fondly Christmases past, look forward with anticipation to Christmases still to come, but rest assured that someday on some far distant Christmas you will once again feel the tender and caring arms of both your parents around you.  Until then may the loving arms of your husband, children and your Lord carry you to that blessed day.

God's Love & Blessings to you always.

Perhaps, the poem or the words in the e-mail will help some other soul who is suffering at this wonderful, but all too often painful time of year.  I pray with all my heart and soul that you all will have a very blessed and joy filled Christmas this year.  May our loving and grace filled God bless you in abundance this coming year.

In His Joy & Love,
Roy