This week and next we have the High School students using our building to finish off the school year. As I reported earlier, the High School was damaged beyond use during the tornado that hit Lake City on Mothers Day. Hopefully, the building will be completely repaired before late summer and school starting up once again. It's going to be a very busy summer for the school administrators.
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I've always been a big believer in attending funerals, and even though I never met Marilyn I attended the service to support her daughter and son in law Clyde. There are in my opinion several reasons to attend a funeral. First is to show your respect and commitment to the individual that has passed away, second and I believe more importantly, is to show support and love to those that have survived the individual. The primary thing we need to remember at a funeral is that we're celebrating our loved ones new life in God's Heavenly Kingdom. Our loss is painful, but it should be more than offset by our joy that our friend or family member has been reunited and reconciled to our Creator.
I have of course blogged about death and grief before in this blog. Here are a couple links to posts about death and grieving.
Past Post About Death and Grief
Lowell Surat's Funeral and Thoughts on Death
A thought on grief:
“Within each of us there is a cemetery of sorrow. It is a legitimate place where the losses throughout our lives accumulate and one we must visit repeatedly to do our grief work. Grief is often untidy. We can’t wrap our losses in fine stationery and tie it up with a bow. Instead, they come layered in memories, regrets, and unresolved conflicts. So to revisit our cemetery is healthy because grief is often ongoing and done in seasons. Visits are necessary for our well-being, as long as we don’t’ take up residency among the tombs……..We serve a gracious and compassionate Savior, who understands our heartbreak. And while we must grieve he doesn’t want us to live in the cemetery. Christ longs to help us expand our zip code that we might reenter life more able to offer grace.”
~From Twirl...A Fresh Spin At Life
I have also discussed one of my favorite books on this blog before, the book is entitled "All Our Losses / All Our Griefs" and it is by Kenneth Mitchell and Herbert Anderson. I have multiple copies of this book in my personal library and I tend to loan them out frequently. Currently, I do have two copies which have been returned. If anyone nearby would like to read this book just let me know and I'll be happy to loan you a copy. If you'd like to purchase a copy (I'd suggest you do as it's a great book) here is a link:
Book "All Our Losses / All Our Griefs"
I found this book to be very revelatory, especially in how we are all sculpted by past grief. It not only helped me to understand others in my life, but it made me finally understand many of the things I've gone through and done myself.
I have blogged a fair amount about this book in the past, and even started posting an outline of the Chapters. I got as far as Chapter Four before I just got too busy (and distracted) to finish. Here are links to past posts about this fantastic little book.
All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 1: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 2: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 3: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 4: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
One of the things that this wonderful book points out is that grief isn't only about death. Grief can and does originate from any sort of loss real or perceived. A major form of loss comes from divorce, which is another subject (along with marriage) that I have blogged about in the past.
Past blog posts concerning marriage and/or divorce:
Reflections on marriage and divorce
Another bloggers reflections on marriage (very good)
Solemn Vows and Oaths
Here is a great and moving video that has been going around online for a while now. It comes out of China but it has subtitles and it is very impactful. The scenario that the young woman utilizes in the story would in my opinion be one that all couples contemplating divorce should perform as a part of counseling. I hate the idea that any couple goes into divorce proceedings without exhausting all avenues of counseling. My opinions on divorce and marriage are pretty stringent and are outlined in the links 'Reflection on marriage and divorce' and 'Solemn Vows and Oaths' above, so I won't retype them here.
Men this is what we tend to do wrong
This one is very good also but, be forewarned there is some rough language in this article. Of course, I'm not at all certain that a little rough language isn't needed in a frank discussion of compatibility and long term survivability in a marriage.
Love is not enough
One thing that I think is absolutely required in a marriage is something that I don't believe any of the above articles sufficiently relay. The one thing we absolutely cannot get around is the need for grace and forgiveness. During a marriage we're all going to come up short from time to time and without grace and forgiveness we won't last long. Depending on the severity of the failure, the couple may well find themselves in counseling to repair the damage. I'm of the mind that couples need to make a commitment to each other from the very beginning, that if a need arises later in a marriage for some counseling, that both parties agree to pursue that avenue. Of course, I'm not naive and I certainly realize that folks might well renege on this agreement when confronted with actually going to counseling; but having discussed and agreed prior just might make it more likely that the couple will actively pursue counseling.
Another area that I'm a big believer in is personality compatibility. We are often swept away with the idea that in love opposites attract and that one spouse can fill in for what the other might be lacking. The reality in my experience is that opposites just tend to drive each other a bit batty. I think a very helpful tool would be for both partners to take an actual (I mean the full blown, not an online mini version) Myers Briggs Test. I've actually formally taken this test twice and I have always come in as an INTP (I've also taken it once online with the same result). Armed with this information and also knowing the test results for the rest of my family I know why and how we make each other crazy. This information is invaluable in working out differences as they arise.
Here is a link to a site online where you can learn more about this particular test and even make arrangements to take the formal test.
Myers Briggs Test
Of course, I absolutely believe that there has to be a great deal of romantic love involved in a marriage. There is no way a marriage will last if there is no 'spark' to light a fire so to say. But one has to be in love with the other individual spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as well as physically. If there is love on all of these levels the love will remain no matter how or how much we age. I envy those among us who found their true loves early in life and who have stayed together for so many years. Too few of us in my generation can lay claim to this gift.
Science has discovered that a woman retains cellular material from their sexual partners. These men's cells literally become a part of the woman for the remainder of her life. This is a startling realization... that one-night stand or poor decision remains with one for a lifetime. On the other hand, for those among us who waited for marriage to become sexually active, have a beautiful (even spiritual in a real sense) connection with their spouse. For these spouses are literally a part of one another, their purity one to the other is real and emotionally and spiritually touching. This purity is a beautiful and honestly sacred thing, again something that far too few in my generation can lay claim to.
Too few individuals in my new profession have adequate knowledge of science to know this little tidbit, and those in the science world rarely have enough of a spiritual and religious base to understand or appreciate the spiritual side of this phenomenon. I find this hopelessly sad, as it has great meaning to a relationship for those that were committed enough and wise enough to have accomplished it through their youthful and continued morality. These individuals, God bless them, have accomplished this hallmark absent the knowledge that we have today thanks to modern science.
As an aside, women also bear in their bodies cells from each of the children which they have carried in the womb. This is also a very beautiful thing and for those that have lost children they can perhaps find some tiny bit of comfort knowing that a part of that child is with them for the remainder of their lives.
In closing, I look forward to the days ahead when I have the chance to work with couples asking to be married. Hopefully, with God's guidance I'll be able to provide them with the tools and proper expectations that they need in order to have a long and happy marriage.
May you all find yourselves well and richly blessed.
In His Love and Grace,
Roy
Church photos from:
https://www.facebook.com/prairiesanctuaries?fref=ts
I have of course blogged about death and grief before in this blog. Here are a couple links to posts about death and grieving.
Past Post About Death and Grief
Lowell Surat's Funeral and Thoughts on Death
A thought on grief:
“Within each of us there is a cemetery of sorrow. It is a legitimate place where the losses throughout our lives accumulate and one we must visit repeatedly to do our grief work. Grief is often untidy. We can’t wrap our losses in fine stationery and tie it up with a bow. Instead, they come layered in memories, regrets, and unresolved conflicts. So to revisit our cemetery is healthy because grief is often ongoing and done in seasons. Visits are necessary for our well-being, as long as we don’t’ take up residency among the tombs……..We serve a gracious and compassionate Savior, who understands our heartbreak. And while we must grieve he doesn’t want us to live in the cemetery. Christ longs to help us expand our zip code that we might reenter life more able to offer grace.”
~From Twirl...A Fresh Spin At Life
I have also discussed one of my favorite books on this blog before, the book is entitled "All Our Losses / All Our Griefs" and it is by Kenneth Mitchell and Herbert Anderson. I have multiple copies of this book in my personal library and I tend to loan them out frequently. Currently, I do have two copies which have been returned. If anyone nearby would like to read this book just let me know and I'll be happy to loan you a copy. If you'd like to purchase a copy (I'd suggest you do as it's a great book) here is a link:
Book "All Our Losses / All Our Griefs"
I found this book to be very revelatory, especially in how we are all sculpted by past grief. It not only helped me to understand others in my life, but it made me finally understand many of the things I've gone through and done myself.
I have blogged a fair amount about this book in the past, and even started posting an outline of the Chapters. I got as far as Chapter Four before I just got too busy (and distracted) to finish. Here are links to past posts about this fantastic little book.
All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 1: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 2: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 3: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
Chapter 4: All Our Losses / All Our Griefs
One of the things that this wonderful book points out is that grief isn't only about death. Grief can and does originate from any sort of loss real or perceived. A major form of loss comes from divorce, which is another subject (along with marriage) that I have blogged about in the past.
Past blog posts concerning marriage and/or divorce:
Reflections on marriage and divorce
Another bloggers reflections on marriage (very good)
Solemn Vows and Oaths
Here is a great and moving video that has been going around online for a while now. It comes out of China but it has subtitles and it is very impactful. The scenario that the young woman utilizes in the story would in my opinion be one that all couples contemplating divorce should perform as a part of counseling. I hate the idea that any couple goes into divorce proceedings without exhausting all avenues of counseling. My opinions on divorce and marriage are pretty stringent and are outlined in the links 'Reflection on marriage and divorce' and 'Solemn Vows and Oaths' above, so I won't retype them here.
There's really no end to the articles online concerning how to have a good marriage; I think that these all have valid points and are worth reading and considering. They're also good for us old married folks to read and be reminded about a thing or two.
This one is very good also but, be forewarned there is some rough language in this article. Of course, I'm not at all certain that a little rough language isn't needed in a frank discussion of compatibility and long term survivability in a marriage.
Love is not enough
One thing that I think is absolutely required in a marriage is something that I don't believe any of the above articles sufficiently relay. The one thing we absolutely cannot get around is the need for grace and forgiveness. During a marriage we're all going to come up short from time to time and without grace and forgiveness we won't last long. Depending on the severity of the failure, the couple may well find themselves in counseling to repair the damage. I'm of the mind that couples need to make a commitment to each other from the very beginning, that if a need arises later in a marriage for some counseling, that both parties agree to pursue that avenue. Of course, I'm not naive and I certainly realize that folks might well renege on this agreement when confronted with actually going to counseling; but having discussed and agreed prior just might make it more likely that the couple will actively pursue counseling.
Another area that I'm a big believer in is personality compatibility. We are often swept away with the idea that in love opposites attract and that one spouse can fill in for what the other might be lacking. The reality in my experience is that opposites just tend to drive each other a bit batty. I think a very helpful tool would be for both partners to take an actual (I mean the full blown, not an online mini version) Myers Briggs Test. I've actually formally taken this test twice and I have always come in as an INTP (I've also taken it once online with the same result). Armed with this information and also knowing the test results for the rest of my family I know why and how we make each other crazy. This information is invaluable in working out differences as they arise.
Here is a link to a site online where you can learn more about this particular test and even make arrangements to take the formal test.
Myers Briggs Test
Of course, I absolutely believe that there has to be a great deal of romantic love involved in a marriage. There is no way a marriage will last if there is no 'spark' to light a fire so to say. But one has to be in love with the other individual spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as well as physically. If there is love on all of these levels the love will remain no matter how or how much we age. I envy those among us who found their true loves early in life and who have stayed together for so many years. Too few of us in my generation can lay claim to this gift.
Science has discovered that a woman retains cellular material from their sexual partners. These men's cells literally become a part of the woman for the remainder of her life. This is a startling realization... that one-night stand or poor decision remains with one for a lifetime. On the other hand, for those among us who waited for marriage to become sexually active, have a beautiful (even spiritual in a real sense) connection with their spouse. For these spouses are literally a part of one another, their purity one to the other is real and emotionally and spiritually touching. This purity is a beautiful and honestly sacred thing, again something that far too few in my generation can lay claim to.
Too few individuals in my new profession have adequate knowledge of science to know this little tidbit, and those in the science world rarely have enough of a spiritual and religious base to understand or appreciate the spiritual side of this phenomenon. I find this hopelessly sad, as it has great meaning to a relationship for those that were committed enough and wise enough to have accomplished it through their youthful and continued morality. These individuals, God bless them, have accomplished this hallmark absent the knowledge that we have today thanks to modern science.
As an aside, women also bear in their bodies cells from each of the children which they have carried in the womb. This is also a very beautiful thing and for those that have lost children they can perhaps find some tiny bit of comfort knowing that a part of that child is with them for the remainder of their lives.
In closing, I look forward to the days ahead when I have the chance to work with couples asking to be married. Hopefully, with God's guidance I'll be able to provide them with the tools and proper expectations that they need in order to have a long and happy marriage.
May you all find yourselves well and richly blessed.
In His Love and Grace,
Roy
 |
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